Most days, I feel so utterly busy; I don't have time to think (literally). My professional commitments -- prepping/teaching, grading (blech), attending lots of meetings -- take up a most of the work day, but I also want to be healthy, so I several times I week, I'll leave at lunch to go to the gym and come back to the office, or I leave around 3:00 to go running. Oh, the guilt! I suppose it would be worse to be a workaholic and never exercise (which isn't an option for me!), but it's hard when I have a constant stack of papers on my desk. I'm lucky to not have any "new preps" this year; all my classes are ones I have taught before, so the prepping is less than it would be for a brand new class.
I don't really ascribe to the Mommy Guilt that seems to be all over the blogosphere these days. I know that I am doing the best I can, but I certainly do feel pulled in different directions. Meetings I can't attend because they're too early or too late in the day (Miles drop-off or pick-up). Evening events that I choose to forgo because I'd rather be home with Miles than get a babysitter... I also feel a certain responsibility for the extra slack that my colleagues pulled when Ethan was sick. As a result, I'm on lots of committees, and have taken on extra responsibilities at work. So, what yields? On some days, Miles is in school from 8:30 to 3:00, and I can't pick him up from after-school care until 5:00. Poor kiddo! No wonder he's so tired lately!
First and foremost, Miles is my #1 priority in life so I never feel like it's a sacrifice. He's thriving in school; really loves it and his teacher says he's doing well. He has lots of friends, and I think is liked by others. But I realize that he's still young and has lots of emotional challenges. There are some days when Miles seems particularly vulnerable, frustration expressed by crying/screaming, but it's rare. Late last year his separation anxiety was pretty severe; he had to be in the same room with me all the time. Several months of play therapy really helped him, and I have seen his emotional growth and resilience. Getting back to the "guilt" thing, I wish Miles had more support from other adults. I have lots of support myself, and lots of people who can be with him, but I wish for a more steady (male?) presence. or at least someone to share the responsibility. One thing I do well is during the school week, we are very structured. There's definitely flexibility, but the one thing I value above all else is sleep quality. We have an early dinner, and we start the bedtime routine at 7:00, earlier if he's getting a bath. Then it's often lights out by 7:20 and he falls asleep right away, sleeping through the night until about 6:30 (unless he crowds me, ha ha). I realize that during school days, our awake time together is only a few hours...
Then there are perfectly wonderful unstructured together days, like the one we had on Saturday. "Sleeping in" until 7:30, a luxury for me (Miles was already watching Little Einsteins on the iPad), followed by breakfast with our dear neighbors. Then, Costco, which Miles enjoys. He was so cute this morning: he had my shopping list and he dutifully crossed off items as we put them in the cart. Leisurely lunch at home, then the afternoon spent at Perch & Play, a newly-opened indoor play place in town. Perfect for the rainy day: http://perchandplay.com/ . And free wi-fi for adults! Miles had a great time. Then he got a haircut and we came home. That's it. Love our unstructured/unplanned days; they are such a contrast to the work week, when I have my planner, my lists, my to-do items...those of you know me, you know of what I speak. :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment